Some days I feel more than I think.
This morning is overcast with intermittent rain, as if a shower head is being turned on and off and on at random intervals. It’s a morning I want to turn a shower on, rather than pump water into a pot, heat it on the stove, take it out to the sauna, scoop it with a yogurt cup, and pour it over my head.
On most days, I love this. I look down at my feet in the small black tub, meant by its manufacturer as an animal watering trough, and see how little water my bathing requires. I stand alone in the sauna and breathe in the solitude of an enclosed space dedicated to one thing, so different from the open circle of our yurt, where there are no lines or doors between bedroom, kitchen, living room, playroom, and office.
But today I feel the clouds moving overhead, and I can’t put into words the vulnerability and power that pushes against each other within their deep gray forms stretching across the sky. It’s a day I want everything to be easy and a day I know nothing will be if I hold to this desire. It’s a day I feel vulnerable for no particular reason. A day I feel emotion and creativity and power well up inside me from that vulnerability.
It’s a day I want to tell you that it’s okay to take pictures of things that aren’t pretty. It’s okay and good and beautiful to sit with the things that slow you down, the things that make you vulnerable, the things that for whatever reason make clouds billow up in your chest.
I don’t have any pictures for you today, just these words and the wind blowing diagonal up the field, which will perhaps reach you, wherever you are, to tousle your hair and pull you from somnambulism into presence.